Tag Archives: sci fi film

Shoo! Alien, shoo! Leave Prometheus alone!

Oh, Ridley Scott. There you are looking back on your career thinking: “Yeah, Alien rocked. And yeah, Blade Runner totally rocked, too!” And you know what, Ridley, you are actually right. They are both fantastic films. I would argue that Alien is far more fantastic than Blade Runner, but because Alien is so fucking out there mega-fantastic that is like saying “Blade Runner is better than 99.9 percent of all films ever made”. And then Ridley? Then you’re all like: “Yeah, let’s revisit this and make another epic Sci-Fi action flick!” Did I mention that you probably look back on films like Gladiator and think that it was equally as awesome? Now there is the problem. Sometimes your films fucking stink. So, let’s talk about Prometheus, shall we?

via thewertzone.blogspot.com

Nothing in Prometheus makes any sense. Whatsoever.
Yup, it’s all a big bag of bullshit. Oh, a nice and pretty bag of bullshit. So shiny you need to look at it. And amidst all the shit squishing and squashing in there we find ideas and performances that are brilliant. But what makes this movie such a bag of bullshit is the problem that many films have: They could be so fucking awesome but somewhere along the way people started to make mistakes and didn’t stop with them. Prometheus is such a case.

via prometheus-movie.com

Everyone and their grandmother has said it by now, but it is worth repeating: The idea that these characters on this ship are scientist is laughable at best. Offensive really, cause what it shows is that obviously no one involved with this project had any idea of scientific work whatsoever. Or they must have hit their heads really hard. From the dumbass boyfriend being all sulky cause he just discovered alien life-forms on another planet and cannot ask them why they made him (not to mention taking off his helmet, cause he just ‘felt’ that he could probably breathe the air) to the “biologist” whose first instinct upon meeting new and aggressive life forms is to touch them in the face. And dear Elizabeth, our supposed heroine, she is what exactly? An archeologist / medical doctor /biologist /geneticist /what the hell? Girl can do it all. Cause she probably studied science. And when you studied a term that encompasses all the sciences ever, you can, of course, do everything that all sciences ever found out and use as their scientific instruments. Cause you’re fucking scientist, duh!

edgy haircut – he must be a scientist! (via flicksandbits.com)

Ok, we could roll our eyes forever because of how hard these people are clearly not scientists. Shall we look at the supposed science then? There is no use averting our eyes, the crap will still get through. The operation super-capsule thingy. WTF? Can do whatever operation needs to be done if you just press a few buttons and hop in. But oh, damn, thing is gender-programmed. Only works on men… For whatever fucking reason. Cause the hard-drive was too small to fit in the program for women? Are you kidding me? And then of course it also works on women, cause wouldn’t you know, just a dramatic effect. So thing operates a squid alien out of Elizabeth Shaw (and boy will we get to how she is not Ellen Motherfucking Ripley) and stitches her belly so that girl can run and jump and crunch and do whatnot AFTER HAVING HER BELLY BEING OPENED BY A LASER-BEAM AND BARELY STITCHED TOGETHER!! She should collapse within 20 centimeters of that damn machine and bleed out is what she should if that movie had any idea of how human bodies work.
But oh, this film so doesn’t. Guess what: the god-alien-whatever-beings DNA matches 100 percent with human DNA! Whoa! Except for no human beings have DNA matching a hundred percent (ok, twins do) and then again every living being on this planet shares a pretty large percentage of their DNA with ours. So instead of being all like: they created us! And they even kinda somewhat look like us! We should really wonder how the hell these beings are related to chicken, and cheetahs and chimpanzees. There is your scientific question, movie, you can run as fast as you want into the other direction, you won’t escape it.
And please, film, Ridely, whoever, tell me: If these beings come to a planet, dissolve and by that create life on a planet – how do they end up being pictured by cavemen? Did they wait for a few million years to come back and say Hi, uh, by the way look at these stars, if you ever figure out what we mean come and visit us there? Oh yeah, that seems to make so much sense, EXCEPT FOR IT FUCKING DOESN’T. The inconsistencies of this movie are to frustrating, it’s almost painful. Just like having just had an operation and then having to …run? jump? fall? scream? Right, Elizabeth?

Ellen, ermh, Ellie? (via guardian.co.uk)

It’s frustrating because the movie plays this “uh, we’re asking the big and important questions” card but instead of attempting to answer them they fall short of answering even the simplest questions that just derive from the plot and the actions. How come the black liquid goo thing kills Elizabeths boyfriend but turns the other one into a killing monster? Why would it even? Makes no fucking sense. Completely unnecessary, strengthens my disbelief and makes me wonder: if the black goo thingy can turn people so easily into whatever fucking monster it wants them to be, why does it have to go to such great lengths to create super-complicated reproduction cycles like the one of the alien? Tell you why: cause black goo and monsters and alien aren’t really logically related and shouldn’t be related in a movie that has no idea of what it is doing.

via flicksandbits.com

What I hate hate hate in movies is the parents-complex thing. So many movies think they provide their protagoinists with motivation because they do what their parents said, or exactly the opposite or something to get their attention. It is there in the recently reviewed Snow White, it lies at the core of The Dark Knight Rises, which I intend to review next and we find it here with Elizabeth Shaw, David the Android, Charlize Theron’s character and oh, basically all mankind, cause we no have to think of those milky white muscle hunks as our daddies. I fucking hate this shit. Having no other motivation for things than you’re parents is the lamest story-telling device in the history of everything ever. Like Elizabeth Shaw is a scientist because of her father, but also religious, because of him, and neither is she a believable scientist nor does her faith have any effect on the plot whatsoever and is nothing but backstory we’re supposed to swallow to think that she is deep and shit, but really it’s just superficial nonsense. Meredith Vickers relationship with her father is so irrelevant, because we have no clue what is going on, we have no clue what her motivation is, and ultimately none of it plays any role in how these events unfold. It is just there and irritating. Granted, it could have been so much more interesting, if the film had focused on the sibling rivalry between Ms. Vickers and David, but we only get glimpses of that. Waste.

AAAAHHHH!! Why does this plot suck so hard?? (via lightsconnoraction.blogspot.com)

The biggest waste in this movie is David, who is also one of the redeeming qualities. Of course the movie looks fantastic, it is beautiful cinematography, the effects are neat. I like how the aliens look, and even though I find it totally absurd, I like how the aliens evolve throughout the movie. But what is really a saving grace and at the same time the major issue is Michael Fassbender as the android David. Because his performance is brilliant and because his character is actually interesting. All the questions that dumb scientist boyfriend mumbles about are just that same that he asks, but he really asks them and he acts on the impulse to want to find out. And along the way he does dubious things, in full knowledge of their dubiousness. Had the movie about him for 2 hours it would probably have been a better movie.

via cinemaforever.blog.de

BUT this movie wanted to hold on to the alien tradition of strong female character with the introduction of Elizabeth Shaw and FAILED. Now, mind you, I like Noomi Rapace and I think her performance was good. And even though I thought “girl, really?” practically every two seconds I still found her character engaging. But my oh my, does the writing on this character sabotage her. We’re supposed to be thinking of her as Ellen Ripley and then again not, cause she is caring, and crying, has a relationship, is compassionate, is religious, yadda yadda. Then we give her some monsters to run from, some gross beings to kill and everyone will think that she is just as badass as Ellen Ripley. Right? RIGHT?????
Hell to the no. Because that was the brilliance of Alien. For a long time it wasn’t even clear that Ellen Ripley was going to be our protagonist. First she is somewhat of a cold bitch and only after some time we find out that we are probably going to spend the rest of this movie – and the rest of the fight against the alien – with her. And she did kick ass with the weapons she found, with the information she gathered. She sweated and screamed and was terrified yet acted on her instinct to survive. In short: She acted like a human being. She felt like a human being. Like the other characters in Alien. In Prometheus we have none of that. They are all tools. Like characters from any CSI series out there we are meant to think of them as real and deep characters because they have a tattoo, or they like to scream out loud when happy or cry because they can’t have babies and nothing in the world is more terrible for the existence of a woman (and in case you don’t notice, I’m being sarcastic here). That is all bullshit. That is all just nonsense, covering up for the fact that none of these people act like real people would. They make stupid decisions because the plot requires them to and none of it stems from any sort of believable motivation. And if you’re characters are void of believable motivations then your film is, ermh, bordering irrelevance.

Looks and feels familiar? (via filmkritiker.com)

It is pretty to look at, it sounds nice. I can appreciate that there were good ideas, that some parts were written well (David spending his time alone on board of the ship). As an Alien mega-fan I appreciate going back to that story, to this being. Re-discovering the jockey on that planet. Seeing the alien again, connecting its birth with the terror that awaits Ellen Ripley in the future. But that is all just intellectual meta-level shit. That’s appreciation for what this movie accidentally got right. All in all it got pretty much everything it had going for it wrong. Nonetheless I don’t want to give up hope. The ending screams sequel and you never know, they might just end up making a better movie when we follow Elizabeth Shaw and David the android to the corners of the universe to find out where the creator-beings came from .
Until then we can imagine how other scientists would behave in a movie like this. Mathematicians probably wouldn’t know fractions. Egyptologist would probably never had heard of the pyramids – or would want to blow them up. Directors would make good movies with a coherent plot – oops, wait. That’s no science. Or is it now?

Bye David, see you in the sequel! (via pcgames.de)

Dun-dun-dun!

If you liked this, you can check out my Alien reviews in the directory HERE.

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Attack the Block comes under the attack of … praise!!

So, yeah, ermh, just recently I’ve seen Attack the Block which is a film about aliens attacking, urmh, well, a block. That doesn’t really read like much, but as a film it rocks remarkably well. Unfortunately, it is a rather small film that doesn’t get the attention it deserves (though admittedly I became aware of it because movie critics on the interwebz praised it so highly), so let us devote some unimaginably expensive blog-space for this little gem of a film to provide yet another google find for interested cine-o-philes.

Attack the Block was released to cinemas in the UK in May 2011, and was written and produced by a fellow named Joe Cornish. It was produced on a budget of about 13 Million US-Dollars and apparently didn’t even earn half of it back in cinemas. Which is a shame, really.

The relatively small budget of the film doesn’t show. It’s not like it looks like the Matrix come again or the Dark Night in terms of “we got money to blow on this, y’all”, but let me tell you: I’ve seen movies with ten times the budget looking a hundred times cheaper and cheesier. The film uses its money effectively, limiting the area the plot and action take place in to basically one project house and its surroundings, but that only benefits the film and its structure.
Most surprisingly, the aliens are good. Like really good, effective, believable aliens. Granted, the reason why they’re there is not clear, nor why they’re doing what they’re doing but I stand by my belief that sometimes narratives work better because they offer no explanation (though, ok, the gang comes up with one, kinda, but you can still decide if you want to believe them). But they manage to walk the thin line of looking fresh, still scary, and most of all real. Basically they’re big furballs of black with glowing teeth. They look kinda cute – until they start to run for you and are set on attack-mode. And then there is the first one that looks very different from all others, but also very Alienesque, which is of course always a good thing in my book.

via wikipedia.org

Let’s not fool ourselves, the whole movie is structured like the classical zombie-movie with a small bunch of people having to defend themselves from attacking zombies aliens in a limited area. But that is also where the film’s amazingness kicks in high gear.
Cause lemme tell you, while zombie movies often suck (since the band of survivors are just the jerkiest shetbags out there imaginable) in this case the band of “survivors” or rather the gang who has to defend themselves from the alien attack are A.W.E.S.O.M.E.
And they basically start out being complete assholes. Robbing the nurse Sam they seem to be your regular project kids with their everyday-troubles, the likes of joblessness, fatherlessness, perspectivelessness, and a whole other bunch of –lessnesses, more than I can think of, really. So, what seems to start like the classic tale of poor righteous white woman being robbed by thugs of color turns into a crazy battle against aliens in defense of, well yeah, the block, but most of all their very lives. And as it turns out, these kids are not assholes, they are just a little less privileged than a lot of white asses (oh hi stoner kid, yeah, I’m looking at you) and have to function a little better within rigid systems of masculinity in order to not have their teeth kicked in. Vicious cycle and lack of perspective is what it’s also called.

via movieworlds.com

And therein lies the beauty of the film (despite battles against aliens, yay): It not only lets its characters grow, but it constantly avoids making final judgements. People behave the way they behave for a reason and why not try to understand that first? Sometimes listening to a genuine “I’m sorry” and accepting it is just as hard as actually saying “I’m sorry” and meaning it.
Well, I for once, am a little sorry I don’t a have a whole lot more to say about the movie than this actually. I could end the review right there, but that sounds all a little too grand. It is a really good movie, especially as far as monster movies and blockbusters go. It dares to care about its characters and does not shy away from social critique and taking a stand. Having said all that, I don’t think it’s a masterpiece, I still think there is room for improvement (the rapping drug-dealer thug and his ride, really?). But the road Attack the Block takes is definitely the right one, and sad to say: that’s rare enough.