Category Archives: america’s next topmodel

What, this crap is still on? America’s Next Top Model Cycle 18

I guess I wasn’t the only person who was a bit surprised how quickly Tyra threw another ANTM cycle our ways this time. But BAM! out of the blue: America’s Next Top Model – British Invasion. Did you think that the last All-Star-Cycle was a step back and a little crappy? You haven’t seen nothing yet, honey, cause this time they lowered the bar even further. Oh, but let us get to it in an orderly fashion.

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Ok, legitimately you are all like “why in the world would anyone watch this nonsense?” but then again, addiction is addiction is addiction and even though reality TV is really trashy most of the time always it is still a lot of fun. Both emotionally and intellectually, and I really wish it would be more of the latter and less of the former but, oh. And: why am I even defending myself? It’s freaking America’s Next Top Model, that’s like the Jurassic Park of television. Not only because Tyra = Tyrannosaurus, but also because just like said movie it spawned sequel after sequel and a whole craze for suddenly wanting to become a model through a casting show (instead of, ermh, wanting to clone dinosaur DNA…you get the point, right?).

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So apparently Tyra was all over the usual cycle-crap and wants to put each new one under a lame theme, therefore: British Invasion. And yes, it turned out to be the nationalistic crapfest that it promised to be. Not that there was any critical thinking about the respective cultures, their interrelations and their differences. It was all: Ha, those Brits, they sure talk funny!
And acting like winning a modeling competition on TV with a minimal viewership is like defending the honor of your home country. And as if defending the honor of your home country would be anything positive in the first place. Urgh. Yep, there is so much wrong with this concept from the get-go it is only a small wonder that the cycle turned out to be as shitty as it was.
Having complained all along I do have to admit though that I still kinda enjoyed it in a “what fuckery are they up to now?” kind of way. And yes, I do feel a little guilty about it. But then again, I feel guilty about ANTM anyways, so that wasn’t really a change.

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Can we address the obvious first? AzMarie should have won this, and we all know it. Looked like girl had it in the bag, but then again she didn’t bring the TV nonsense that producers wanted to see and enraged Tyra by refusing the booty-tooch-pads. Which, yeah, the hell, of course she should. But on the other hand, if you’re trying to fight sexism and the objectification of women you probably shouldn’t sign up for a reality TV show searching for fashion models anyways. Seems a little half-assed (hehe, funny, because ass, you know, and booty tooch…ok, I’ll stop). So AzMarie was stellar, but thrown out, and so goes another lesbian that I desperately wanted to win (Hi Kayla, thinking of you!).

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Can I just say that I was really surprised by how unlikeable the US-American contestants seemed? This whole Brits vs. Yanks theme sucked, but boy, they all seemed like terrible personalities while I was all super-yay for the British girls. Seriously, apart from AzMarie I wanted all American contestants to leave in week one. And on the other hand, I really enjoyed all the British contestants. Maybe they just knew how to present themselves better due to having been on Britain’s and Ireland’s Next Top Model before. Mmmh, we’ll never know.
I’m mostly reconciled with this cycle, because ultimately Sophie won. Besides AzMarie and Anneliese she was my favorite and I wanted her to win, and she did. Which came as sort of a surprise, because I didn’t think Tyra would have it in her to give the title to a Brit. But yeah, she did, so kudos Tyra for for once not fucking up a thing on your show.

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So what’s all my blabbering about how this cycle sucked? Well, back in the day, America’s Next Top Model really brought the big shoots. Outdoors or indoors they had elaborate sets and scenery, interesting styling and good concepts. This time they mostly shot in the same lame-ass studio complex we’ve seen last cycle (I believe…?) and most of those shoots were just plain boring. I really can’t get over the shoot with the silk-worms. WTF? What was the point even? You cannot really see them in the pictures, there is no connection between model and worms besides the worm hanging on the model and it didn’t do anything but look weird on the photos. Super-strange. Or the shooting on Macau-Tower? Granted, the weather was bad, but why go through all the hassle when the final shots all look like they were taken in front of a grey wall in a studio? I shouldn’t even bitch about the mini-challenges, because they have always been on the rather sucky side. Although, the fortune-teller crap with the “change your aura with a scarf”? Please. I can’t. Even.

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I will say though, I am a little surprised by how high the standards of the prizes still are. After they introduced the high fashion cycle in cycle 15 Italian Vogue surprisingly remained on board with the whole endeavor. I also liked that this time there was a lot more go sees and castings, which seemed more real and felt more like it was telling us about the strengths of the contestants as models. My guess is, that this is all thanks to Kelly Cutrone and her connections. And I must admit, I like her as a judge, probably because I love to hate her, sorta. Girl is bitchy, and her fight with Louise – priceless. I lost all respect I probably had for her, when I saw her youtube video response to that (HERE is the link), which is so immature and embarrassing, it kinda hurts. But for TV fun, it’s gold and I enjoyed hearing her honest opinions on panel.

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So, YAY!, Sophie, you go!
Next season there are big changes awaiting us. Apart from being the college edition (and does that sound like … fun?) Nigel Barker and the Jays won’t be there anymore. I cannot really mourn the loss of Nigel Barker, cause girl was boring and brought exactly nothing to the panel, but the Jays? Tyra, are you crazy? I feel like the Jays are even so much more part of this show than Tyra herself. Well, let’s wait and see how things turn out. I only have one photo left in my hands.

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Do you have what it takes to be an All Star? ANTM’s cycle 17

What is going on with this blog? Next week we hit the final episode of America’s Next Topmodel Cycle 17 and there has as of yet not been a single post on it. Seriously?

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Well, y’all, lemme change that. Cause we just crossed an important line this past Wednesday: Laura went home. Sweet, country bumpkin, loveable Laura. Runner up of the “short cycle” 13, which IMHO stands out as one of the most awesome cycles in ANTM history, since basically all of the top 5 back then were awesome and having Nicole win was good, but so would have been Laura, and everyone was nice, yadda yadda. Well now, Laura had to leave the All Star Cycle, where they are recycling those who did not win the first time around but got stuck on our collective consciousness for some reason or other.

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Talking about the memorability of some of this cycle’s constestants: questionable, I admit. There are no-brainers, of course, Lisa is most certainly one of them, as are Alexandria and Isis for very different reasons. Shannon was an ok choice, and she really pushed her trademark “no underwear, just swimsuits” thingy this cycle (which naturally made me want to slap her cross her righteous face – not to mention her breakdown being faced with a black woman who speaks up for what she wants). But Britanny? Camille? And Bre? Instead of those three I would have liked to see some Toccara (cycle 3), Jade (cycle 6) or Fo (cycle 11). But arguably, it breaks down to personal preferences and most of the ones chosen for this season are memorable characters in their own unique ways.

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I have to talk about Kayla of course, since on my very first ANTM post here on this blog (linked HERE), I raved about how I wanted her to win. And my intitial reaction this time was: Kayla for the win! Well, she’s been out of the race for some weeks now, but that’s ok with me. What the All Star Cycle does, is to really show the standout personalities the show has to offer. And though I love Kayla, love her looks and wish her all the best, she felt kinda stale and safe after a few weeks with the other contestants.

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This cycle is pretty outstanding in the amount of BS is brings in terms of photoshoots and videos. Suffering through fake music videos and Tyra’s Modelland film editorial in the last episode make me want to demand getting paid for watching this nonsense. And seriously, Tyra’s Modelland novel is a bestseller? This sound like the whackiest concept for the shittiest novel ever in all of humankind’s history. Photoshoots with a reality TV star theme (Nene? Snookie?)? WTF? Posing as Micheal Jackson? Though I do admit, hearing LaToya’s giggling makes up for basically everything. And then there is the god-awful group picture for the end-credits and the god-awful opening credits a.k.a. Avril Lavigne as Tyra’s brainchild (not to mention here cringeworthy attempts at bringing the cutesy dumb).

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But, all the hate of course fades in the glory of what the show brings. Ha, not that I needed a reason to watch ANTM, I love it especially because it leaves so many open spaces for severe and harsh criticism. But I also love it for just what it is: a fluff world of adolescent dreams of becoming some sort of celebrity solely based on how well you photograph and how well people on some random judging panel like you.

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The invisible line we crossed in last week’s episode is the fact that Laura winning the thing would have been the perfect outcome. But she is out of the race now and admittedly, I am very happy with the top three, I think they all deserve it.
Angelea, cause she is the underdog, cause girl is underestimated and underestimates herself but obviously has potential for greatness (and tons of drama). Allison is just Allison, how could one not like her? Her introverted, shy, artsy thing with the creepy big eyes – priceless.
But I will not deny, one of those two winning would be awesome because out of the left field, however: Lisa. Lisa D’Amato pushes a lot of people’s buttons in all the wrong ways, but I have always liked her and she is most certainly one of the most memorable ANTM contestants to have ever been on the show. And let’s face it, she has the package they are looking for and if one of those girls is designed to win this cycle, it is most certainly her. Which brings me to conclude: I would be surprised to not see her win it, but I would not be sad. They all deserve it, and that is more than I usually expect of an ANTM cycle.

Who is your bet for the win?

You are so not in the running to become America’s Next Topmodel anymore

OMG Alex, you are probably about to say, so much reality TV in this world and you cover so little of it. What is wrong with you? Alas, the questions shall be answerethed. And I gotta admit: We are already waaaayyy into cycle 16 of America’s Next Topmodel, Tyra’s beloved brainchild. So this post right here is long overdue. But now I have the perfect excuse which is really just a sad sad occasion: My personal favorite, Mikaela, had to leave last week. Tears and nervous breakdowns, y’all.

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So, why exactly was Mikaela my favorite? Well, just take another look at the photo above. That face. You know, just to remind me mere human being that every now and then nature decides that it is time to spew out another being that is carrying around remarkable facial features that also look really good. Bwah, thanks, or whatever. So admittedly, I wanted Mikaela to win because she is so pretty, but also admittedly, personality-wise she didn’t really make me explode emotionally.
Apart from that, how terrible was last episode anyways? Alexandria is pulling the major bitch and once a girl calls her out for it and defends her position all the judges and especially Tyra are all like “shut your trap and forget about honesty for like fucking ever.” Way to go, Tyra, way to go. What is all that blabber about role-models and alla that? You’re setting the worst examples by punishing honesty and rewarding fakeness. I know I shouldn’t get worked up about a reality TV show, but no matter what it is or how real those events are, they are sending a message. And last weeks episode sent the worst fucking message you could send out to young girls. Be cute and act humble while bringing up all sorts of assholery but never ever speak your mind and be confident. Argh.

 

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So, cycle 16, what have you taught us so far? Well, if you are a model with an editorial look that really likes feminism you’re gonna get kicked out, although it’s also kinda weird to think of yourself as this hardcore feminist and then participate in a modelling competition on reality TV.
We also learned that plus size is now fiercely real, because obviously “smiling with your eyes” and “modelling from H to T” are getting a little old.
And being an asshole is better than being honest.
Love, Tyra.

 

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So, what’s left in store for us? Of course we all hope that Alexandria’s butt gets kicked off asap, we can still grin derangedly for the aweseomness that is Jaclyn and her inability to say one single swear-word and hope that either her or Kasia wins, cause let’s be real, Brittani won’t make it no more and Molly is fun but too boring so satisfy us.
And if you’re thinking that I’m totally out of my mind for liking ANTM and writing about it, you are abso-fuckin-lutely right. Sorriez.